Stories Archives - Living in Retrospect

How I Became a Musician in My 30’s

When my late husband and I were performing music together, we shared the story of how I became a "musician" at every gig. Since he died, I haven't...

a tray of rocks collected and displayed with leaves and a candle. The stones symbolize the polished stones in the parable of the jagged stones or discussing what time heals all wounds means

What “Time Heals All Wounds” Means

Grief

If you've ever lost someone or even just been disappointed, you've heard it. But what does "time heals all wounds" even mean? It's a trite...

Grief Diary: Returning to Our Michigan Home

Grief

I've said from the beginning that I would try to grieve openly. I want to normalize grief and make space for others to grieve how they need when...

Ella Boleynn and Joey Joeseph performing in Michigan

My Husband Is Dead – Grief Comes in Waves

Grief

I've written a lot on social media about the loss of my husband, but I still haven't actually published a post about it. The reality is that I've...

Announcing Collab and Plus Size Modeling with Dark Cottage

Diary

Every once in awhile, it feels like a Facebook ad was written just for you, and sometimes, you click through to read the comments and are pleasantly...

Solar Eclipse: The Time Between Two Totalities

Nature

Some people never experience a total solar eclipse, but I have had the opportunity to witness two in my adulthood -- both in my home state. As a...

Podcasts by Ella Boleynn (I’m Finally Ready to Speak)

Diary

Skip the story and jump straight to links for the three new podcasts by Ella Boleynn. I spent 8 years hibernating from this blog and the public eye...

An Open Letter To The Primary Kids I Taught Who Are Now Grown

Ex-Mormon

This open letter to the primary kids I taught who are now grown was featured in an episode of sEXyMOfo: Deconstructing Mormonism, Healing Religious...

my mormon ex-husband's sex scandal saved me featured image - broken butterfly against a car grate by Ella Boleynn

How My Mormon Ex-Husband’s Sex Scandal Saved Me

Divorce, Ex-Mormon

It's been 8 years since my Mormon ex-husband's sex scandal shook up my world and this blog. I've come a long way since I first wrote I love him. I...

How to Overcome Divorce Anxiety

Divorce

One of my most popular posts is my personal story about how to overcome divorce anxiety*. That story talks about what a profound impact the...

Mormon Sexual Repression: Masturbation & Wasted Intelligence

Ex-Mormon

This is my story of Mormon sexual repression, or in other words, how I squandered my intelligence for a decade of self-loathing. Forgive the healthy...

Life Update + On The Other Side

Diary

Once again, it's been a substantial amount of time since I last updated this blog, and once again I feel that familiar urge to share my words with...

The Residual Trauma of Stalking

Challenges

The real harm from stalking is not in the momentary fear, but in the lifelong doubt to your safety and security. Read on to learn about my...

5 Things To Do Instead of Writing Happy Birthday on my Newsfeed

Diary

I appreciate the sentiment, but these things are just as fast — and will actually provide real value in my life. I don’t want to sound ungrateful....

Becoming Homeless: A Story of Millennial Homelessness

Challenges

I’m embarrassed as hell to even write this post, because let’s be honest… when I imagine a homeless person, I’m just as judgmental as the rest of...

I Lost My Voice, And Then I Lost Myself.

Identity + Voice

I've been a writer my entire life; I've always known that sharing my story was my calling. My primary goal in life? To live a life worthy of a...

I’m 30. And I’m No Longer The Same Woman.

Identity + Voice

This post has been sitting as a draft in my archive for almost a year. It is one of several that I just couldn't bring myself to publish - but now...

Living With PTSD is Hell

Challenges

It's been a literal hell of a year. I won't go into the specifics of all of the things that have happened because that's enough to fill up an ENTIRE...

What Does Dissociation Feel Like? (To Me)

Challenges

What does dissociation feel like? For me, it feels like paralysis, falling asleep, sinking into a deep bath, and emptiness, but it is different for...

Finding Freedom in Betrayal

Divorce

A tiny ode to the fetters of obligation — shorn. Oh, to be justified in detachment, meanness. There’s freedom in it, but it tastes bitter anyway,...

Depression Is Ruining My Life.

Challenges

Today I’m going to open up about something terrifying – something I’d really rather not share online. But I think that sharing is part of my healing...