Amazing how when you can’t sleep, you are often led to exactly what you need to read so that you can sleep. I’m a talker though, and just reading what I need to read is not enough. I have to share it.
I just read various facebook notes from the past few stages of my life. I read about break-ups, moves, unrequited love, physical dangers, and personality crises. I read about shooting stars, grand epiphones, princesses, and a God who never loses sight of anyone. And most of all, I read about change. Life has been changing every moment since I was born, and I have met that change with varying degrees of grace.
Sometimes I have responded with rallying cries of vengeance upon a world that turns too quickly, and other times I have danced along subtle shifts, empowered by the movements they have caused.
I have seen a theme in all of the entries I read – a theme of trust that everything will work out. This trust, this faith, has helped through life-threatening, soul-threatening, and heart-threatening experiences. It has only been in moments of distrust when I have stumbled.
But trust is so much easier to say than to have. How difficult it is to fall asleep when the future rests in the balance of the day soon to begin! I am a woman constrained by her fears, held back and guarded by an inability to trust. So often, I stand paralyzed, unable to step forward into some vague unknown – even if I know it is right.
Yet, I can find trust. I can have faith! If I will only take one simple step forward, I will feel the ground beneath my feet – solid and unmoving – the beginning of a path that surely is correct, and with every step forward, the light will increase. Looking back, it is easy to see a path filled with light and wonder how I could have ever struggled to find my footing, but I must not forget the darkness that covered the walk. The path was not always lit, but has been enlightened by my trust and faith.
Tomorrow, the world will change – just as it has a million days before, and I will be met with another step shrouded in darkness. Whether I step with grace or stubbornly stand is a decision I cannot make until tomorrow, but as for tonight, I have faith in the path.
