Living in Retrospect
I loved you when I met you -
heart pounding as you led me on the first adventure these feet had ever run.
Breath catching as you traced the constellations of my body
and turned the stars to sun.

And time and care and sex and love and work -
more work than we could bear -
brought meaning and connection and depth beyond compare.
Then everybody wondered; Everybody stared.

A courthouse and a declaration - a Thursday sealed love.

The heavens poured out their trials.
Bad fortune from above
and below and all around.
And the only shred of comfort

the warmth of your back pressed against my breasts -
soft skin on soft skin on exposed souls -
raw from fighting the world.
Breath on breath on breath 
until the tension eases into rest.

I have lived for this moment.
Every day, I live for this moment.
Nothing can come between this sacred space.

I loved you when I ripped the buttons from your favorite flannel -
enraged at the brokenness inside of me
spewing chaos and damage at you.

I loved you when the glass shattered in the sink -
controlled anger no longer controlled - explosion

and then the calm.
Laying in the grass staring at the clouds.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
In the holy name of Jesus.
Three times because it means more.

I love you today.
Still raw and rough and barely me.
The clouds haven't stopped spewing lighting bolts of anguish -
but you have picked me up and washed away the singed edges.
You've plastered the burns and kept me from scratching.

And I will rise -
And we will rise - in glory,

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