When I was in high school, my doctor always assumed I was pregnant. It didn’t matter if I went in for migraines, dizzy spells, or a twisted ankle. As soon as she entered the room, pregnancy was the topic of conversation. I remember how frustrated I would get when she didn’t believe me that there was ABSOLUTELY POSITIVELY NO WAY I was pregnant. She would look concerned and ask my dad to leave the room only to receive the same answer that yes, I was indeed a virgin, and no, I was indeed not pregnant. Sometimes, I swear she did a pregnancy test anyway.
With every pound I’ve put on since high school, doctors have grown more and more deaf to my voice. Once again, it doesn’t matter what I go in for, it always circles around to my weight. “If you just lose 30 pounds, your muscles will stop hurting, your pain will go away, your periods will normalize, your immune system will start working.” And honestly, that isn’t what bothers me. I know that my health will be better if I lose weight.
What makes me angry, what raises my blood pressure and makes me dread the doctor’s office is that look of condescension. The fat-shaming tone of her voice when she says, “and you NEED to keep it under 2000 calories a day, you fat cow” like I’m a child who doesn’t know how calories work. It doesn’t matter if I tell her that I only average 1500 calories per day and that I hardly ever go over 2000. She sees my body and makes a series of assumptions that silence my voice.
Fat = Glutton
Fat = Delusional
Fat = Lying to herself
Fat = Hides candy bars in every corner
Fat = Stupid
I see these assumptions cross her face, and no matter how hard I try to break through them, the counsel is always the same. Eat less. Move more. No addressing the fact that I am already moving or that I’m already tracking my dietary intake, or that I’ve already tried all of this numerous times with no success. Just a look of pity, a watered-down “educational” conversation about calories, and no help at all.
My doctor was fat-shaming me. She was discriminating against me based solely on my weight and appearance. Is my weight a health concern? Absolutely. Is it as simple as eat less, move more? Not always, and certainly not for me.
Yesterday, for the first time, I met a doctor who listened to me. He looked at my test results and in seconds, diagnosed me with PCOS.
“You need to lose weight,” he said.
My heart sank and I braced myself for the humiliating assault.
He continued, “but it doesn’t matter what you do. If we don’t help your body lose weight, you won’t.”
I looked up with just a glimmer of hope in my eyes. Did he have a solution? Did he know I had already tried the gym and the vegetables? Was there something that really could help me?
He talked to me like a human being. He talked about PCOS and how it causes insulin resistance. He prescribed me a medication to increase my body’s sensitivity to insulin. He gave me options, involved me in the process, and didn’t make any snap judgments. Rather than assuming that I was an idiot who’d never gone a day without chocolate cake in her life, he treated me with respect and kindness.
I know PCOS is probably only part of my health problem, but this doctor gave me hope that there are doctors out there who will help me. I don’t have to leave the doctor’s office feeling fat-shamed and humiliated. I can leave with my dignity intact, and my health invigorated.
So what’s the take-away?
If you are dealing with PCOS and/or struggling with fertility in the St. Louis area, you should definitely check out my awesome new doctor. His name is Dr. Simckes, and he really listens to what you have to say. You can read his post about obesity and fertility here. It’s pretty insightful.
when I saw the title of this post I knew I had to come read it. While it’s not something that has directly affected me, I wish someone would talk to my mother with the kindness and respect that your second doctor has shown. Maybe it would make everything allot more positive for her and she wouldn’t be continually jumping from diet to diet.
Thanks for sharing your experience and reminding us how important it is to be comfortable with our doctors and speak up when we are not!
Thanks for stopping by and taking the time to comment. I am glad I can be a reminder. It’s tough when doctors make you feel stupid, but you have to be your best advocate all the time.
I was diagnosed with PCOD (it was D back in the day!) and I have struggled with my weight, getting pregnant, etc. No one understood it in the 1980s. There is no excuse for your first doctor not checking that out. SOOO glad you found a new one! Fat shaming is a form of discrimination and honestly, that first doctor should be called out on it. BTW, I am visiting from Missouri Women Bloggers, but I am a new follower, too!
Thanks for stopping by, Terri. I agree that fat shaming is a form of discrimination. My mom and I are in the process of starting a new blog about fat acceptance and equality. After this experience, I’ve realized that I definitely have a passion for speaking out against fat discrimination. Thanks for following! I look forward to getting to know you.
Glad to see you found a better, nicer doctor. I’ve had an overweight doctor who would look at me like I was horrible because I was young and shouldn’t have been as big as I was. I don’t want to fat-shame them back but I remember thinking – obviously you’re having a hard time, why can’t you be more understanding?
Yeah. Hypocrisy makes it even worse. This doctor was thin, or I probably would have said something about that. I just hate that doctors assume that all bodies are created equal when it comes to weight. My mom and I have struggled with our weight forever – no matter what we do. Meanwhile, we are both married to thin men who eat way more than we do and are incapable of gaining weight. It really is more than just a matter of calories in, weight on. Thanks for commenting.
I’m so sorry that you had to deal with a doctor like that. :[ The new one you have sounds a billion times better! <3!
The new doctor is amazing. I’m so glad I found someone who will listen and gave me hope. Thanks for stopping by.
Stopping by from The Blogging Elite 🙂
I LOVE this post, Bobbie. I have a few friends who have been diagnosed with PCOS. One of them had a doctor do the whole “fat-shaming” to her (she’s seriously maybe 15-20 pounds overweight), and I told her to get herself a new doctor ASAP. I’m glad to see you did, and I hope everything is much better with this new doctor!
Kate, I’m glad you gave your friend such good advice. I can’t imagine what her doctor would have to say to me – someone who is for REAL overweight. lol I hope your friend finds a doctor who will support her as she manages her PCOS. Thanks for taking the time to comment.