I’m Ella Boleynn.
Ex-Mormon Blogger ? Poet Philosopher ? Traveler ✈️ Singer Songwriter ? Comfort Foodie ❤️ Self-Healer
I started this blog more than a decade ago when I was still in college. Slowly, what started as a personal journal that I only really wrote for Grandma became a full-time income-generating lifestyle blog.
By 2014, just as the blog reached 100,000 monthly page views, my then-husband was arrested. The story was intense, and I shared as much of it as I could at the time, but the trauma of those events robbed me of my voice. I could no longer speak; at times, I could no longer function.
My ex’s betrayal was its own life-altering challenge, but it also brought to the surface all of the anxieties and doubts I’d been stifling. Suddenly, it wasn’t just my marriage that was shattering; it was my faith; it was my sense of self.
For years, I shared very little here on the blog. I went inward, undergoing an intense period of renewal and transformation, stripping away false beliefs and the masks I’d painted over my true self. I decomposed in those 8 years, and what sprang forth from the fertile soil of my longing for wholeness and healing was more beautiful than I expected.
I knew in my 20s that I just hadn’t lived enough to have the experience necessary to write the types of things I wanted. So in my absence from the blog, I’ve been busy living.
Yes, I’ve been traveling and doing unique things to gain experience. But like so many others, I have also been getting back to the basics of what it means to be human. I am connecting with nature, connecting with my body through intuitive movement, communing through devotional cooking, creating for joy and meaning, and allowing myself to follow the things that call to my child heart.
The goal of this blog was always to turn my own personal challenges into a roadmap to help others going through similar things. Now, I finally feel ready to do so. Join me in living in retrospect, because healing truly does happen in hindsight.
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I’m Living in Retrospect.
Living in Retrospect – (v.) looking to the past for inspiration you can use today
(because healing happens in hindsight)
Living in Retrospect, originally called Anxiously Engaging, is my personal blog. It has changed dramatically through the years – as have I – as have you – as has all. Many early posts give glimpses into my personal refining fires and challenges as I sought healing within and without the Mormon church and the modern medical system. Ultimately, it was only by going inward and reconnecting with myself, the basics of life, and nature that I was able to find self-healing, my long-buried personal identity, and the joy grandma told me not to lose.
Now, Living in Retrospect is my favorite place to share the tools and resources that have changed my own life. What started out as a blog about frugal living and the general chaos of my 20’s has transformed into a peaceful community for self-healing and personal transformation. No matter where you are on your own journey, you are welcome here. Come in, take a seat by the fire, and let us commune together. I hope you can find something to take with you on your journey to make the path a bit lighter.
Living in Retrospect has always been about living with an eye to the past — our personal past and humanity’s past — so that we can learn from it. But why should we care about the past when the world is moving so fast and technology is shifting by the moment?
Because healing happens in hindsight.
We can’t heal the wounds of our present day until we understand the dramatic differences between what we are meant to be and what we are. Our environment is not conducive to life even if it is conducive to societal growth, and we must individually restructure our lives and our environments for health and happiness.