Living in Retrospect
There's a hole where you once were
and maybe that's okay
     so they say -
but I don't feel okay.

Nobody knows how I feel today and every day when I wake.
Where is the one who used to greet me?
who sat beside me when blinds closed at day's end?
My comfort friend -
virtuous woman, sensuous woman,
     where'd you go?

I don't know if I can be without you,
for one more night.
for the rest of my life. Without you.
You filled in all my spaces
and now I'm left with only holes
and I feel
     on the verge
          of disappearing.

Every day that passes is another one down
and every night that comes is another night to drown in the silence -
in the walls that close around.
I feel the blackness seep into my heart.
I hear the darkness around me closing.


You lived your life with softened hands
and your laugh calls through the suffocation -
     a legacy of hallelujahs
headed somewhere in flight.

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound, and now I'm found.
I was blind, but now I see silver wings shining in the sunlight.

Farther along, we'll understand why.

But I still come to the garden alone.
Come home, come home;
     it's suppertime.

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